Interpersonal Leadership: Trust-Building
“Trusting: Reaching Out with Others” (SL#75)
by Lloyd Elder, Th.D., adapted from SkillTrack® Vol. 7.2 - Trust-Building

1. “Trusting” is Reaching Out with Others

To trust others and to start a trusting relationship with others is a critical step in the essential task of trust-building. The first step to trust-building is to be trustworthy, then to be a trusting person. “Trust and trusting” are used most often in this article as a verb form, not an adjective or noun. For example we often make such statements as: “I trust you with my life.” “I trust you with this confidential information.” “I am trusting you to finish this project on time and within budget.” “I trust our personal relationship to be mutually satisfactory.”

“Trusting with others” expresses the reciprocal nature of trusting; it is not a lonely, solo, one-way practice. The emphasis, however, is on your own trusting role and practice. Do you trust others, really trust them? Or have you become a “practicing cynic,” trusting no one about anything? I don’t think so, but we all can improve and develop. You start by trusting God with your life and leadership, your calling, and your family. Trusting is to have open and honest exposure of yourself to others; such trusting makes you vulnerable to others, but taking the risk and expecting that it will be mutually beneficial. Trusting includes trusting God, trusting yourself, trusting others, and trusting natural and social processes. (See the trusting practices and behaviors in this article.)

Dictionaries/Glossary--to trust, trusting
The verb forms of trust are used extensively in our contemporary language, such as:

• to believe, believe in, to have faith, to trust in God;
• to have confidence in the truthfulness of a person;
• to place trust or confidence in: bank on, believe in, count on, depend on, reckon on, rely on;
• to hope, to expect confidently something yet in the future;
• to entrust, to put in the charge of another for care, use, or performance: commend, commit, confide, consign, give over, hand over, relegate, turn over;
• to give credit to a person for goods or services, relying on a promise of payment.
• Antonyms: to disbelieve, to distrust, to mistrust.

2. Learning about Trusting from Holy Scripture

We will primarily focus on the verb form “pisteuo” used in the New Testament. It is within the family of Greek words which clearly and extensively carry the meaning “to trust, trusting, and trustworthy (from SL#74):

• “pisteuo”- to believe, to trust, to have faith, to have confidence
• “pistis”- faithfulness, reliability; or, trust, confidence, faith
• “pistos”- trustworthy, faithful, dependable, inspiring trust or faith
• “pistoõ” - to show oneself faithful, trustworthy; to prove oneself trustworthy; to feel confidence, to be convinced

“Trust” as a verb emphasizes the active nature of “trust in many NT texts, for example:

• Luke 16:10-11: “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much. So if you have not been trustworthy in handling worldly wealth, who will trust you with true riches.”
  
  
• John 14:1: “Do not let your hearts be troubled. ‘Trust in God; trust also in me.’”
  
  
• Romans 10:8-10: “Believing” or “trusting” in Christ is reaching out to Him for a redemptive, connecting experience between people and the Lord’s salvation:
  “That if you confess with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe [trust] in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” (v. 9)
  
  
• 1 Corinthians 4:2: “Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful [trustworthy].”
  Zondervan Commentary: “Those entrusted with” (oikonomous--house stewards) refers to a position often held by a slave (Joseph, Gen. 39:2-19), who managed the affairs of the household entrusted to him. “The secret things of God” indicates those mysteries of salvation God has revealed in his Word (Rom 16:25; Eph 1:9; 3:3, 4; 1Tim 3:16. These truths of the cross have been entrusted to Christian workers to be carefully used and guarded. As subordinate servants of Christ, they have no right of authority over those truths, but minister them in Christ's name to God's people.
  
  
• 2 Corinthians 8:16-17: Without using the term itself, the Apostle Paul expressed his complete trust, his confidence in his associate in ministry, Titus: “I thank God, who put into the heart of Titus the same concern I have for you. For Titus not only welcomed our appeal, but he is coming to you with much enthusiasm and on his own initiative.”
  Zondervan Commentary: Although Titus's affection for the Corinthians naturally developed as a result of his positive interaction with them (7:13-15), Paul could trace Titus's keen interest in their welfare to the providential working of God (v. 16). Nothing could be more reassuring to the Corinthians than to know that the devotion and concern for them shared by Paul and Titus were simply a reflection of God's own affection for them.
  
  
• Proverbs. 3:5-6: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”
  Zondervan Commentary: Several specific instructions compose this general admonition to be faithful. The first is to trust in the Lord and not in oneself, because he grants success. Batah (“trust,” v. 5) carries the force of relying on someone for security; the confidence is to be in the Lord and not in human understanding. The call is for a trust characterized by total commitment-“with all your heart” (v. 5), “in all your ways” (v. 6).

3. Learning about Trusting from Contemporary Leaders

• Trust is Competence and Caring: Peter Scholtes claims, in its briefest form that trust is the converging of two beliefs. “When I believe that you are competent (capable) and that you genuinely care about me, I will trust you. Neither competence nor caring alone can serve as the basis of trust. It takes both.” --The Leader’s Handbook, pp. 43-44
  
  
• Trusting from Character and Competence: Stephen Covey ties trusting to trustworthiness: “Trustworthiness (character and competence) is the foundation of trust in your relationships and interactions with others. . . . Trust is the emotional bank account between two people that enables them to have a win-win performance agreement, enjoy clear communication, empathy, synergy, and productive interdependency.” -- Principle-Centered Leadership, p. 31
  
  
• Trusting Without Control: Dale Zand, identifies three elements of behavior through which people most often express trust, or distrust: information, influence and control. He defines “trust” as follows: “Trust consists of a willingness to increase your vulnerability to another person whose behavior you cannot control, in a situation in which your potential benefit is much less than your potential loss if the other person abuses your vulnerability.” --The Leadership Triad, p. 91
  
  
• Trusting as Emotional Strength: “Trust is an emotional strength that begins with a feeling of self-worth and purpose that we’re called to extend outward to others (p.47). Trusting relationships expand and extend our capabilities in so many ways that we can’t afford to just wait for others to show that they are trustworthy, we must act deliberately to initiate and affirm trust (p. 50).” --from The Other 90%, Cooper
  
  
• Trust as Reciprocal Faith: Kiniki and Kreitner, in their college textbook, describe trust as a key ingredient of teamwork: “Trust is defined as reciprocal faith in others’ intention and behavior; the give-and-take of trust. In short we tend to give what we get: trust begets trust; distrust begets distrust.” --Organizational Behavior, p. 210
  
  
• Disclosing, Openness and Sharing: Writing as a social psychologist, Johnson reports: “You trust when you are willing to risk beneficial or harmful consequences by making yourself vulnerable to other people. More specifically, you are trusting when you are self-disclosing and willing to be openly accepting and supportive of others. Openness is the sharing of information, ideas, thoughts, feelings, and reactions to the issue being discussed. Sharing is the offering of your resources to other people in order to help them achieve their goals.” --David W. Johnson, Reaching Out, p. 76
  
  
• Lincoln and Trusting Leadership: Biographer Donald Phillips extracts many lessons in Lincoln on Leadership, including “Honest Abe” as a trusting leader: “Abraham Lincoln listened, paid attention, and established trust. He worked hard at forging strong relationships with all of his subordinates, especially the members of his cabinet and his commanding generals. In some cases the resident overcame intense negative feeling toward him on the part of a few individuals (p. 28). . . . Lincoln was a kind and caring human being. But people are much more likely to trust a leader if they know he is compassionate and forgiving of mistakes. And trust, of course, is the essential building block for successful relationships.” (p.34)

4. Growing in Your Trusting Others

Is there a process, an intentional way to become more trusting as you reach out to others? Yes, and it begins with you and earlier than you might think. This, and other SL articles, provides assessment and educational practices you can take as you grow in trusting yourself and others, such as:

• Develop and practice guidelines for learning to trust other people; and trusting yourself. Think about “trusting” as a critical ingredient of every part of your life.
• Be aware that the degree to which you are a trusting person is greatly influenced by: 1) your early life experiences involving trust; 2) your emotional responses and decisions about those experiences; 3) the beneficial or harmful outcomes of extending your trust to others; and, 4) what you were repeatedly told about by others.
• Recognize that your earlier level and experience of trust is not necessarily suitable or valid for your adult relationships and productive work.
• Pay close attention to your current behavior and leadership style, how these effect others: your actions, words, tones, gestures, posture, and your use of power. Ask yourself if earlier trusting patterns are still too much involved.
• Become more aware of your feelings during interaction with others; how you act on your feelings; and what lessons for change do you learn about your degree of trusting.
• Seek to identify any continuing behavior that may prevent your trusting others. Does it spring out of earlier patterns? Have your talked this over with another nonjudgmental person with a view to breaking down old barriers?
• Make a day-by-day practice of trusting; often patterns of behavior create feelings and responses of mutual trust, and break down any of life’s earlier, negative influences.
  (selected concepts above are adapted from Shea’s Building Trust, pp.24-29)

5. Trusting Practices for Building Trust

• Place your complete trust and confidence in God's power to save you and to keep you in His sovereign care in all the events and issues of life and leadership. Move to another ministry position or stay where you are. Change career tracks, become a social change agent. Develop a new skill; or launch into a degree training program. Nurture and grow in that trusting relationship by specific acts of trust, dependence, and expectancy.

  Proverbs. 3:5-6: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”

• Enter into each service task trusting that He will guide and empower you to perform faithfully in your service to Him. Move to another ministry position or stay where you are; or even change career tracks. Develop a new skill; or launch into a degree training program. Turn to the disciplines of following Christ for guidance in trusting: prayer, Holy Scripture, example of Christ, presence of the Holy Spirit.

  Acts 1:8: “But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”

• Trust yourself and act with confidence; this is founded on the gifts and presence of God. However, do not let unfounded confidence replace worthy effort and performance.

2 Tim. 1:12: “Yet I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed [trusted], and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day.”
2 Cor. 5:7: “We live [walk] by faith [trusting], not by sight.”


• Trust the other person first, and then again and again; that is a valid practice in any relationship, but especially if you are in a leadership position. Build value and self-esteem in others. When you extend trust, it encourages others in the congregation or on your team to do the same.
  
  
• It is required of leaders to create a climate of trusting; the leader’s example of trusting is contagious, well worth the risk and effort. This takes day-by-day, intentional, mutual actions of members and leaders. Expressing trust increases group cohesion among its members.
  
  
• Be willing to risk beneficial or harmful consequences in relating to others; the nature of trust is that you have little or no control over the response of others. Trust others with your hopes and dreams; with your doubts and fears; with your expectations of the relationship.
  
  
• Make yourself vulnerable to others; do not always appear to be above hurt, loss, or disappointment; appear as vulnerable because, in fact, you are.
  
  
• Disclose your true feelings and reactions; when you do so as authentic trusting, it invites the other person to do so, thereby building trust within the congregation.
  
  
• Communicate accurate, timely, and significant information; you are trusting when you share information, ideas, thoughts, and resources to help others achieve their goals.
  
  
• Trusting others is expressed as you perform on-going tasks in the congregation: decision-making, managing change, problem-solving, delegation, team-building, etc.
  
  
• Know when to trust, and when reasonable evidence is against trusting. Trust is not fickle, nor is it weak. It is a mistake never to trust, creating a cycle of cynicism about yourself and others. But when trust is extended again and again and is refused or abused, change trusting to include clear expectations with consequences; or establish limited trust or even a time-out on trust until there is a trusting response. Try this: “I want you to teach this class, but I’m asking ____to teach for the next three months, so that you can serve as a member in the class while you re-evaluate your teaching role.”

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